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Posts Tagged ‘Obligation’

Who Needs to Know about Your Fertility Treatments… and How Will You Tell Them?

Friday, October 7th, 2011

If you’re a celebrity, telling everyone about your impending fertility treatments may garner you some great press. However, chances are that you’re an “ordinary” Jane or Jack who isn’t looking to have your face splashed in every magazine available at the grocery store!

With this in mind, it’s important to consider who needs to know about your fertility treatments. It’s also critical to figure out the best ways to tell them. Here are some suggestions:

Telling Your Employer

  • If you’re undergoing mild fertility treatments that won’t require much time out of the office, you may not have to say a word to your employer. Simply use your personal or sick days for office visits.
  • If you expect to need significant time off due to fertility treatments, it is recommended that you speak with your human resources representative to determine the best path of action. They are trained to deal with such matters and can give you pointed suggestions based on your line of work, company culture, etc.

Telling Your Coworkers

  • Again, this is a need-to-know item that may or may not apply. If you’re a manager and you know you’ll be gone often, you may need to assign a “point person” to handle projects. But unless your human resources contact strongly advises you to tell your subordinates what’s happening, you’re under no obligation to reveal your medical issues.
  • Remember that if you do confide in someone with whom you work, the story may eventually get around.

Telling Your Children or Step-Children

  • Men and women who are undergoing fertility treatments aren’t always childless. Many already have kids of their own or through a marriage situation. Depending upon how old those children are, you may want to broach the subject of fertility treatments. Just make sure what you say is age appropriate… and be prepared for them to share with the people in their lives.

Telling Your Friends and Family

  • For some couples, having friends and family know about their fertility treatments is a no-brainer; for others, it’s a potential emotional strain. Only you can decide which is the case for you.
  • Be prepared to answer questions. Many friends and family members may find the need to “grill” you. Just don’t feel pressured to reveal anything more than what you’re comfortable revealing.

 

Is Fertility Treatment Right For You?

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Fertility Myth #3 – If You Take It Easy, You’ll Get Pregnant

Friday, July 15th, 2011

 “Just relax and go with the flow! That’s how you’ll get pregnant!”

“If you’d calm down a little, you’d be able to get pregnant in no time.”

“I wish you would take it easy, for goodness’ sake. That’s your real problem. Go on vacation and you’ll come home pregnant!”

Unfortunately, those sentences are indicative of the advice that far too many individuals and couples dealing with fertility concerns hear. To be sure, the comment isn’t meant to be hurtful, but it does tend to send the wrong message. In a nutshell, it’s just not true.

Don’t get us wrong – stress can absolutely be a contributing factor to fertility problems. However, relaxation is not typically a one-size-fits-all solution. Though being able to enjoy “down time” does contribute to a healthier attitude, mindset and, sometimes, outcome, it’s complementary to fertility treatments, not a treatment in and of itself.

The next time someone makes this type of statement to you, there are a few choices:

1. Say nothing. Just smile and nod.

2. Tell the person that your fertility is not any of their business.

3. Reply, “I’m glad that worked for you.”

Whatever you do, don’t assume that you’re under any obligation to believe this myth. It’s an old wives tale, which means it’s best left to the annals of history.

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Privacy and Infertility

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

If you’ve experienced or are experiencing infertility, you probably have a deep understanding of how difficult it can be to deal with issues related to your personal privacy.

To help you plan for success in this area, try some of these suggestions:

→ If you don’t want lots of people to know about your infertility problems, only tell one or two trusted friends or family members.  Don’t feel you have to announce it.  This is your personal situation and there’s no need to feel guilty about that.

→ When someone asks why you don’t have children “yet”, you are under no obligation to tell him or her that you are having fertility issues.  You can simply smile.  If they get pushy, you’re well within your rights to tell them it’s not something you wish to discuss.

→ If you are going to a fertility specialist, you can always tell your co-workers, friends or family members that you are headed “to the doctor”.  That way, they won’t know any more than you want them to know.

Remember that you’re in charge of your privacy when it comes to your infertility.  You owe no one an explanation unless you wish to disclose what you’re experiencing.

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  • Dealing with Miscarriage

    Friday, January 8th, 2010

    Miscarriages are often extremely difficult to accept, even when they occur relatively early (e.g., in the first few weeks of pregnancy) after conception.  Depression, weight gain, hormonal imbalances, cramping, bleeding and other physical and psychological side effects can all be a part of a miscarriage.

    If you’re dealing with miscarriage, though, it’s important to remember that you’re ultimately in control of how you deal with your situation

    Always remember that:

    • The miscarriage isn’t your fault.  It’s highly unlikely that you could have done anything to change it.  You aren’t being “punished” for past sins.
    • An early miscarriage isn’t anyone’s business.  If you didn’t tell people you were pregnant, you are under no obligation to talk about the miscarriage with them.
    • You can ask someone else to tell people if you have a miscarriage after you’ve announced your pregnancy.  You don’t have to make phone calls yourself if you have a miscarriage and numerous people knew you were pregnant.  A good friend or relative will probably be happy to take on this task for you.
    • It’s okay to grieve.  Even if you miscarry very early into your pregnancy, it’s all right to feel sad!  Others might not understand your feelings, but they don’t have to — you have a right to feel grief.
    • You don’t have to have sex again right away.  Many times, people will try to encourage you by telling you to “have sex soon” and “get pregnant again“.  Though they feel they are being helpful, they cannot force you to try again until you’re ready.
    • Know that you’re not alone.  If you do talk to friends about your miscarriage, you may be surprised to discover that they’ve had similar experiences.  Miscarriages might not be generally discussed, but they are more common than you might think.
    • It’s okay to move on with your life.  Regardless of your miscarriage, it’s fine to laugh, to move on and to connect with people.  Everyone’s reaction is different, not better or worse than another.
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