Maybe you’ve re-married and you and/or your spouse have children from a prior relationship. Or perhaps you’re experiencing “secondary infertility” after having one or more kids naturally. Whatever the case may be, if you decide to choose a surrogate to help you have another child (or children), you’ll likely be asked plenty of questions from the kids already in the picture.
To help you have the conversation with them, we’ve designed a few ground rules to follow. These will enable you to avoid too much confusion or awkwardness as you move forward with your decision to use a surrogate.
Rules to Help You Explain Surrogacy to Your Current Children:
- Don’t lie. If you’ve decided to go with a surrogate, be honest about it.
- Be age-appropriate. If your children are young enough, they don’t really need to know the details. If they are older, they’ll require more information.
- Understand that they might not like your decision. Your children may be hesitant to embrace new siblings, regardless of whether you use a surrogate or not. Afford them the opportunity to express themselves without rebuke.
- Allow your children to process this information. Unless they’ve heard of surrogacy before, it might be an unknown and/or confusing idea. Give them time.
- If it seems to be appropriate given your circumstances, invite the child (or children) to come to a fertility appointment. (Be aware that it may not be a good idea for them to meet the surrogate; you will want to discuss that kind of approach with a counselor initially.)