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Posts Tagged ‘Coping With Infertility’

Coping with the Emotional Rollercoaster of Infertility

Friday, August 28th, 2009

rollercoasterOne day you’re up, the next day you’re down… one moment you’re laughing, the next you’re crying… in the morning, you’re optimistic… by night, you’re a full-blown pessimist.

It’s all part of the emotional rollercoaster known as infertility.  But knowing that doesn’t make the experience any less palpable.

For individuals and couples, coping with the emotions associated with infertility can be a difficult process; after all, there are numerous factors at play, including those in the social, financial and relational realms.  So how do so many people make it through their experiences with infertility despite the rollercoaster-like journey?

Because infertility is a very personal experience, couples and individuals rarely have the exact same issues, responses and/or outcomes; thus, coping mechanisms must be equally as unique.  Below, we’ve compiled a list of 8 different ways others have chosen to cope with infertility:

  1. Keep a journal or online blog.  It can be anonymous and will give you an outlet to express your feelings as well as join with others.
  2. Talk to someone you trust other than your partner.  Do you have a friend, relative, spiritual advisor, colleague or neighbor who is willing to simply listen to you without trying to “fix” you?  Take advantage of your good fortune to have such a person in your life by letting him or her know your feelings and help you work through them.
  3. Talk to your partner.  Obviously, it’s critical to be open with your partner, too.  If you’re feeling sad, be sad.  Don’t wear masks; this isn’t a time to don a new persona.
  4. Seek out the help of a therapist.  Because infertility is such a common experience, especially among those in their 30s and 40s, many therapists specialize in the area.
  5. Take care of yourself.  Even if you don’t feel like getting out of bed for the third morning in a row, force yourself to move, eat and live.  It will be tough, but it will also help you clear your mind, exercise your body and fuel your soul.
  6. Join an online infertility group.  There are online resources and forums where people like you who are coping with infertility go to commiserate, support, share and chat.  Find one where you feel comfortable being yourself.
  7. Acknowledge your emotions.  For some individuals, it’s very difficult to accept that they are having powerful emotions or mood swings.  However, it’s essential to “name the problem”.  The emotions won’t go away just because they aren’t being acknowledged.
  8. Know your emotional triggers.  Do you find that every time you go to a certain park where families tend to gather together that you wind up depressed for days afterwards?  This may indicate that your emotions are being “triggered” by the sight of parents and kids.  Although you cannot completely avoid families nor should you avoid those areas, it may be wise to tell yourself beforehand: “I’m going to place XYZ.  Kids and their moms and dads will most likely be there.  If I feel uncomfortable, I can always leave.”  That way, you’ll be heading off emotions before they can overwhelm you.

Coping with infertility will always be accompanied by emotions; it’s just part of the human experience.  But you do have the ability and strength to get through the ride.

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Helping a Friend Who is Dealing with Infertility

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Maybe you’re not dealing with infertility directly, but if your friend or relative is, it’s likely to affect you.  That point was brought home in a recent blog post from the creator of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

This particular post was in a Q&A style format and the first question was from a brother who wanted to help his male sibling cope with issues of infertility.  However, the sibling refused to talk about it, causing stress for the brother who wanted to help.  (And potential stress for the sibling, too!)

Truly, this can be a very tough and complicated subject.  Many people coping with infertility simply don’t want to discuss their problems, especially if they are naturally private individuals. 

So what can you do if you want to show your support for a person or couple dealing with infertility?  Try some of these techniques:

  1. Be available, but don’t be pushy.  If your friend doesn’t want to discuss the topic of infertility, let it go. 
  2. Don’t constantly ask your friend about doctor’s appointments, outcomes, etc. if your friend seems hesitant to talk about the subject.
  3. Ask your friend if he or she wants to have a conversation about infertility.  If the answer is “no”, respect that answer without question.

There are definitely ways to be a good friend to someone struggling with infertility.  The best is to remember to focus on what that person needs and wants, not on what you think you ought to be doing to help.