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Posts Tagged ‘Control’

When Should You Stop Fertility Treatments?

Monday, September 6th, 2010

For many couples, the question isn’t whether to start fertility treatments.  It’s when to stop.  And that can be a very difficulty decision to make.

Stopping fertility treatments means going back to trying to conceive naturally or simply not trying to conceive at all.  It’s a choice fraught with emotion and uncertainty.

If you’re not sure whether it’s time to consider ending your fertility treatments, consider doing the following:

  • Talk with your fertility specialist about your concerns.  This will help alleviate any fears and enable you to get answers.  Your fertility specialist should have a good understanding of your personal situation and will be in a position to help you “talk it out”.
  • Stop thinking of ceasing fertility treatments as “losing”.  This isn’t a game.  It isn’t a win-lose proposition.  Having a child carries with it a lot of factors, many of which you cannot control.  Accept that as fact.
  • Try to determine a “stopping point” date.  Giving a deadline will assist you in making the decision to stop fertility treatments by taking much of the anxiety out of the choice.

Again, this isn’t simple… but it may be something you have to consider.  So if you’re approaching that point, you need to plan ahead as much as you can.

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  • Sadness and Infertility Can Go Hand-in-Hand… and That’s Okay

    Friday, July 16th, 2010

    For good or bad, we live in a society that suggests we have to be “upbeat” all the time, putting on a “happy face” despite problems.  When we’re asked, “How are you?”, we’re expected to say, “Fine, thank you!”  No wonder so many people with infertility feel embarrassed because they go through periods of sadness and depression.

    If you’re one of the many men or women dealing with infertility, it’s important to know that feeling unhappy or “down” is completely normal.  It’s not a sign of weakness, nor is it something unusual.  In fact, reputable reproductive science specialists will always consider your mental health throughout your fertility treatment journey.

    But what can you do in the meantime if you’d rather not make a phone call every time you’re feeling blue?  Why not try one of these methods of addressing your state of mind:

    → Acknowledge and accept your sadness.

    → Talk with someone who will listen without judging or trying to “solve” your emotions.

    → Do something that isn’t related to fertility issues, such as working out, going for a hike, taking a walk or reading a book.

    → Write down your feelings in a personal journal. 

    → Ask yourself if you’re being too hard on yourself.  (This is often the case.)  Infertility isn’t something you can control.

    Remember that infertility and unhappy moments can often go hand-in-hand.  So allow yourself to have human moments of disappointment or even depression.  And, of course, if your mental state turns into one you cannot easily control, please contact your physician to discuss other steps you can take.

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  • Dealing with Miscarriage

    Friday, January 8th, 2010

    Miscarriages are often extremely difficult to accept, even when they occur relatively early (e.g., in the first few weeks of pregnancy) after conception.  Depression, weight gain, hormonal imbalances, cramping, bleeding and other physical and psychological side effects can all be a part of a miscarriage.

    If you’re dealing with miscarriage, though, it’s important to remember that you’re ultimately in control of how you deal with your situation

    Always remember that:

    • The miscarriage isn’t your fault.  It’s highly unlikely that you could have done anything to change it.  You aren’t being “punished” for past sins.
    • An early miscarriage isn’t anyone’s business.  If you didn’t tell people you were pregnant, you are under no obligation to talk about the miscarriage with them.
    • You can ask someone else to tell people if you have a miscarriage after you’ve announced your pregnancy.  You don’t have to make phone calls yourself if you have a miscarriage and numerous people knew you were pregnant.  A good friend or relative will probably be happy to take on this task for you.
    • It’s okay to grieve.  Even if you miscarry very early into your pregnancy, it’s all right to feel sad!  Others might not understand your feelings, but they don’t have to — you have a right to feel grief.
    • You don’t have to have sex again right away.  Many times, people will try to encourage you by telling you to “have sex soon” and “get pregnant again“.  Though they feel they are being helpful, they cannot force you to try again until you’re ready.
    • Know that you’re not alone.  If you do talk to friends about your miscarriage, you may be surprised to discover that they’ve had similar experiences.  Miscarriages might not be generally discussed, but they are more common than you might think.
    • It’s okay to move on with your life.  Regardless of your miscarriage, it’s fine to laugh, to move on and to connect with people.  Everyone’s reaction is different, not better or worse than another.
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