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Archive for the ‘Support’ Category

Is a Support Group Right for You?

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

For many individuals and couples going through infertility issues and the stressors often associated with fertility treatments, the answer is clear — join a support group.  Whether it’s online or in person, this kind of community often becomes a “safe haven” of sorts for men and women dealing with infertility matters.

However, that doesn’t mean that a support group — OR that every support group — is going to fit the bill for you.  If you’re not sure if you want to join a group, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you feel comfortable talking about your (or a partner’s) infertility matters or — even if you don’t discuss your own personal issues — hearing about others’ fertility concerns?  If the answer is “no”, a support group might be extremely uncomfortable for you.  However, you may find one-on-one therapy to be valuable.
  • Are you willing to devote time to a support group?  Maybe a support group sounds great theoretically, but you honestly know that you’ll spend a fraction of the time you should on attending meetings, whether in person or virtually.  Though that isn’t a definite reason not to join, it may hinder your experiences as a support group member.
  • Are you willing to allow yourself to be open to a group setting?  Some people simply do not wish to be around those they do not know while discussing their personal issues.  Of course, if you can bring a trusted friend or family member with you to your group, you may be able to alleviate some of those worries.

Remember that regardless of whether or not you’re currently ready for an infertility support group, you can always change your mind in the future.  After all, it’s your experience to share… or not.

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  • How Far Should You Take Your Fertility Treatments?

    Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

    For many men and women dealing with infertility, the question becomes not whether to try fertility treatments but when to stop trying them.  After all, at what point should fertility treatments come to an end?  When you’ve had a child?  When you’ve tried for a year?  Two years?  Five years?  More?

    Obviously, this is an incredibly important and personal decision.  As such, it goes hand-in-hand with a number of factors, including:

    In the end, there’s really no one-size-fits-all answer to the issue of how far is far enough when it comes to trying to conceive.  For some couples, unlimited resources allow them to take every route possible; for others, the hormonal impact of fertility treatments may prove to be a deciding element in determining when to take a temporary or permanent break.

    If you’re just embarking on a journey that’s going to include fertility treatments, it’s crucial that you talk with your partner as well as your reproductive health specialist about the future.  Make a plan upon which you can all agree.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind — it just allows you to have a less open-ended outlook.

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    Making the Right Fertility Choices for You

    Friday, September 4th, 2009

    worriedFor individuals and couples dealing with the world of infertility, the experience can be daunting, if not downright confusing.  Unfortunately, many well-meaning friends, family members, colleagues and, yes, even strangers are quick to give advice, even if it’s not desired.

    In the end, it’s important that every person involved in the fertility process make the right decision for their particular situation.  And the best way to do that is to carefully choose a fertility clinic with professionals who can help answer questions and consistently offer focused, individualized guidance.

    If you’ve been having trouble knowing which are the right fertility choices for you, be certain to keep the following facts in mind:

    • Although others may claim to have the “answers”, only you know what is right.  Again, this is where the team members at your fertility clinic will be able to assist.  For instance, if IVF isn’t an option you want to pursue, don’t allow a co-worker to talk you into it.
    • One size does not fit all.  Sure, your sister-in-law had an amazing experience with surrogacy.  But if you aren’t interested in pursuing this measure of becoming a parent, you don’t have to be pushed into even talking about it.
    • You are the one who has to live with your decisions.  No one else can live your life; therefore, you have to take this into consideration when you’re making fertility choices. 

    By keeping a narrow focus on what is right for you and your partner (if applicable), you’ll be able to get through the fertility/infertility process with decreased amounts of stress.   Good luck! 

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    Coping with the Emotional Rollercoaster of Infertility

    Friday, August 28th, 2009

    rollercoasterOne day you’re up, the next day you’re down… one moment you’re laughing, the next you’re crying… in the morning, you’re optimistic… by night, you’re a full-blown pessimist.

    It’s all part of the emotional rollercoaster known as infertility.  But knowing that doesn’t make the experience any less palpable.

    For individuals and couples, coping with the emotions associated with infertility can be a difficult process; after all, there are numerous factors at play, including those in the social, financial and relational realms.  So how do so many people make it through their experiences with infertility despite the rollercoaster-like journey?

    Because infertility is a very personal experience, couples and individuals rarely have the exact same issues, responses and/or outcomes; thus, coping mechanisms must be equally as unique.  Below, we’ve compiled a list of 8 different ways others have chosen to cope with infertility:

    1. Keep a journal or online blog.  It can be anonymous and will give you an outlet to express your feelings as well as join with others.
    2. Talk to someone you trust other than your partner.  Do you have a friend, relative, spiritual advisor, colleague or neighbor who is willing to simply listen to you without trying to “fix” you?  Take advantage of your good fortune to have such a person in your life by letting him or her know your feelings and help you work through them.
    3. Talk to your partner.  Obviously, it’s critical to be open with your partner, too.  If you’re feeling sad, be sad.  Don’t wear masks; this isn’t a time to don a new persona.
    4. Seek out the help of a therapist.  Because infertility is such a common experience, especially among those in their 30s and 40s, many therapists specialize in the area.
    5. Take care of yourself.  Even if you don’t feel like getting out of bed for the third morning in a row, force yourself to move, eat and live.  It will be tough, but it will also help you clear your mind, exercise your body and fuel your soul.
    6. Join an online infertility group.  There are online resources and forums where people like you who are coping with infertility go to commiserate, support, share and chat.  Find one where you feel comfortable being yourself.
    7. Acknowledge your emotions.  For some individuals, it’s very difficult to accept that they are having powerful emotions or mood swings.  However, it’s essential to “name the problem”.  The emotions won’t go away just because they aren’t being acknowledged.
    8. Know your emotional triggers.  Do you find that every time you go to a certain park where families tend to gather together that you wind up depressed for days afterwards?  This may indicate that your emotions are being “triggered” by the sight of parents and kids.  Although you cannot completely avoid families nor should you avoid those areas, it may be wise to tell yourself beforehand: “I’m going to place XYZ.  Kids and their moms and dads will most likely be there.  If I feel uncomfortable, I can always leave.”  That way, you’ll be heading off emotions before they can overwhelm you.

    Coping with infertility will always be accompanied by emotions; it’s just part of the human experience.  But you do have the ability and strength to get through the ride.

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    Helping a Friend Who is Dealing with Infertility

    Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

    Maybe you’re not dealing with infertility directly, but if your friend or relative is, it’s likely to affect you.  That point was brought home in a recent blog post from the creator of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

    This particular post was in a Q&A style format and the first question was from a brother who wanted to help his male sibling cope with issues of infertility.  However, the sibling refused to talk about it, causing stress for the brother who wanted to help.  (And potential stress for the sibling, too!)

    Truly, this can be a very tough and complicated subject.  Many people coping with infertility simply don’t want to discuss their problems, especially if they are naturally private individuals. 

    So what can you do if you want to show your support for a person or couple dealing with infertility?  Try some of these techniques:

    1. Be available, but don’t be pushy.  If your friend doesn’t want to discuss the topic of infertility, let it go. 
    2. Don’t constantly ask your friend about doctor’s appointments, outcomes, etc. if your friend seems hesitant to talk about the subject.
    3. Ask your friend if he or she wants to have a conversation about infertility.  If the answer is “no”, respect that answer without question.

    There are definitely ways to be a good friend to someone struggling with infertility.  The best is to remember to focus on what that person needs and wants, not on what you think you ought to be doing to help.