One day you’re up, the next day you’re down… one moment you’re laughing, the next you’re crying… in the morning, you’re optimistic… by night, you’re a full-blown pessimist.
It’s all part of the emotional rollercoaster known as infertility. But knowing that doesn’t make the experience any less palpable.
For individuals and couples, coping with the emotions associated with infertility can be a difficult process; after all, there are numerous factors at play, including those in the social, financial and relational realms. So how do so many people make it through their experiences with infertility despite the rollercoaster-like journey?
Because infertility is a very personal experience, couples and individuals rarely have the exact same issues, responses and/or outcomes; thus, coping mechanisms must be equally as unique. Below, we’ve compiled a list of 8 different ways others have chosen to cope with infertility:
Keep a journal or online blog. It can be anonymous and will give you an outlet to express your feelings as well as join with others.
Talk to someone you trust other than your partner. Do you have a friend, relative, spiritual advisor, colleague or neighbor who is willing to simply listen to you without trying to “fix” you? Take advantage of your good fortune to have such a person in your life by letting him or her know your feelings and help you work through them.
Talk to your partner. Obviously, it’s critical to be open with your partner, too. If you’re feeling sad, be sad. Don’t wear masks; this isn’t a time to don a new persona.
Seek out the help of a therapist. Because infertility is such a common experience, especially among those in their 30s and 40s, many therapists specialize in the area.
Take care of yourself. Even if you don’t feel like getting out of bed for the third morning in a row, force yourself to move, eat and live. It will be tough, but it will also help you clear your mind, exercise your body and fuel your soul.
Join an online infertility group. There are online resources and forums where people like you who are coping with infertility go to commiserate, support, share and chat. Find one where you feel comfortable being yourself.
Acknowledge your emotions. For some individuals, it’s very difficult to accept that they are having powerful emotions or mood swings. However, it’s essential to “name the problem”. The emotions won’t go away just because they aren’t being acknowledged.
Know your emotional triggers. Do you find that every time you go to a certain park where families tend to gather together that you wind up depressed for days afterwards? This may indicate that your emotions are being “triggered” by the sight of parents and kids. Although you cannot completely avoid families nor should you avoid those areas, it may be wise to tell yourself beforehand: “I’m going to place XYZ. Kids and their moms and dads will most likely be there. If I feel uncomfortable, I can always leave.” That way, you’ll be heading off emotions before they can overwhelm you.
Coping with infertility will always be accompanied by emotions; it’s just part of the human experience. But you do have the ability and strength to get through the ride.
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It’s a question that’s on many couples’ minds when discussing the issue of conception. If a woman hasn’t become pregnant in three months, is that a sign there’s a fertility issue? Or should she wait six months? A year? Two?
Generally speaking, most fertility specialists recommend that if a couple hasn’t conceived naturally after trying for a year, there may be an underlying fertility issue. (Again, the word is “may” — some couples take longer to conceive than others, especially if they aren’t having regular sexual intercourse.)
Of course, in the case of couples dealing with secondary infertility, they might be inclined to see a fertility specialist sooner rather than later. (For instance, this could make sense for a couple who conceived their first child within two months but have been unsuccessful at conceiving a second child after nine months of regular sex.)
While it’s not recommended that couples overly stress about being unable to quickly conceive naturally, it may be a good idea to talk to a fertility specialist if a good deal of time has passed and no pregnancy has resulted. After all, a check-up could only help.
How long can an embryo that’s been frozen in preparation for in vitro fertilization attempts remain viable? In the case of Celine Dion, who just announced she was pregnant with the couple’s second child, quite a while.
In fact, Dion’s doctor has told the media that the embryo used for this pregnancy was frozen eight years ago. And that’s not the oldest embryo that’s remained viable after being frozen; others have survived for 10-15 years, according to medical reports.
Obviously, any couple who is considering in vitro fertilization should speak with their fertility specialists about the length that any embryos should remain in a frozen state.
However, as Dion’s experience shows, it’s now possible for a woman in her twenties to wait years for in vitro once an embryo has undergone the freezing process.
You’re dealing with infertility, so you toss and turn each night. And that inevitably leads to sleep deprivation. Which leads to depression. Which leads to even worse sleep. Which leads to… more infertility woes?!? (Uggh.)
So suggests a recent report which claims that, for women of child bearing age, getting less than the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep can affect the body’s ability to reproduce. (And the report suggests women get anywhere from 74-95% of the hours of sleep they should.)
The bottom line is that in order to keep your body in tip-top shape, the sleep department is as important as all the others, including physical and psychological nourishment.
Of course, this is easier said than done.
Infertility routinely affects sleep patterns, especially when it causes anxiety between partners. That’s why it’s so critical to have some outlet — therapy, exercise, relaxation techniques — to help ensure a good night’s rest.
The next time you’re tempted to watch the late, late, late show for yet another hour, put down the remote and hit the sack. It could make a huge difference for you.
“When should I tell people about my/our infertility?”
It’s a question that has no specific answer.
Some couples and individuals choose to tell people right away that they’re having difficulty conceiving. To them, it’s the obvious thing to do. Others never talk about their struggles with infertility at all, believing it’s an issue that’s best kept under wraps (maybe even forever.)
Though there are no clear-cut answers as to when you should let the proverbial cat out of the bag, you do have to be prepared for what people are going to say if and when you choose to “come out” about your infertility. After all, like it or lump it, some folks may respond lovingly… and others may not. This means you have to be ready for almost anything.
Fortunately, if you’re working with clinic that specializes in reproductive science issues, you’ll have terrific access to professionals who can help you navigate the waters ahead and steel yourself for any questions, responses or comments that may come your way.
And, of course, don’t let the possibility of a few uncouth statements deter you from reaching out. If you want to tell someone of your infertility, go for it. But if you’re not certain, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it under wraps for a little while longer. In the end, it’s up to you.
READER QUESTION: When did you choose to tell people about your struggle with infertility?
Are you new to the world of reproductive science issues? Have you wondered where to find accurate, up-to-date information on fertility-related concerns such as how infertility affects your emotional and physical health?
Then RSI is ready to provide you with the useful data you need… FREE!
Click on this link and you can download reports on the “Emotional Effects of Infertility” and/or “Proper Nutrition and Infertility”.
Remember — this info has been vetted by our medical team. That means it contains the most state-of-the-art statistics and suggestions to help you get healthy in both body and mind while you’re experiencing fertility concerns.
Obviously, they’re all Hollywood actresses or media stars. But in addition to them being in the fame spotlight, they’ve also all battled with infertility.
Sometimes, it feels like infertility is seeking out a certain person or family. It’s not.
In fact, infertility can occur at any time, even after a couple or individual has conceived naturally. Though that doesn’t lessen its impact, it does provide insight into just how widespread fertility issues are, even among the film and television industry’s “elite”.
According to figures, infertility affects between 10% and almost a third of women. Men’s infertility stats are similar. But are all those numbers accurate?
In an effort to learn more about how infertility is really affecting people, RSI invites you to take the following quick 1-minute survey on infertility.
Responses are completely anonymous; you will only be contacted if you contact RSI.
There has been a noticeable increase in the number of advertisements trying to encourage individuals suffering from infertility to purchase medicines online ”without a prescription.” One of the biggies that’s mentioned again and again seems to be Clomid, but other drugs are named, too.
Please, please, please do not self-medicate for infertility concerns. Though it might be tempting to order “top of the line medicines” (and who’s to tell whether they really are or not?) without first obtaining a doctor’s assessment, it’s very dangerous.
Exercise good judgment and avoid treating your infertility at home or through drugs you order via the Internet. Sure, they might sound legit, but there’s no telling what they contain. Additionally, they might be the wrong dose or script for your personal situation.
As with any other medical issue, head to a physician rather than take the word of an advertisement or spam email. Don’t take a detour that could cost you time, money and, quite possibly, your health.
One day you’re up, the next day you’re down… one moment you’re laughing, the next you’re crying… in the morning, you’re optimistic… by night, you’re a full-blown pessimist.
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